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kmattox's Journal

3 January 1973

On January 29, 2010 my Daddy was diagnosed with Stage 2 Pancreatic Cancer.
On February 6, 2012 my Mommy was diagnosed with Advanced Breast Cancer that has spread throughout her whole skeletal structure.

Click here to learn more and to see how you can get involved in helping to acquire funding for helping to find the cure for Pancreatic Cancer.
Click here to learn more and to see how you can get involved in finding the cure for Breast Cancer.

You can shed tears that they're gone, or you can smile because they lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that they'll come back, or you can open your eyes and see all they left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see them, or you can be full of the love you felt.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember only that they're gone, or you can cherish their memory and let it live on.

In Loving Memory Of:

Papaw Mattox 1918 - 10/11/1985
Granny Mattox 06/21/19 - 03/05/2002

Paw Conder 12/24/12 - 09/06/1988
Granny Conder 01/25/19 - 05/21/2000

James D. Murphy
07/31/1975 - 09/04/2003 - My Gentle Giant, My Best Friend
I'll Never Forget You Jim

James Scott Pennington
03/10/1945 - 09/08/2003 - The Father-in-Law I never had
We miss you Otty

Frankie Baker
1987 - 07/24/2005 - Such promise taken so soon
"Shake her up and hand her to Will"

Little Bit Mattox
July 1998 - 10/26/2009 - 11 years old - Mama's Baby Girl

I Love You Bit Bit

Helen Toppass
09/08/1954 - 01/04/2010 - My partner in crime
I'll miss you Sissy

Cindy Napier
04/25/1971 - 02/15/2010
With time, comes forgiveness

Majic Mattox
July 1993 - 9/27/2013 - 20 years old - My Buddy

We'll miss you so much...

JW Davis
2/10/1942 - 12/20/2014
Goodnight Uncle J

Patricia C. Mattox
4/14/45 - 5/8/2015 - My Momma
We did it your way Momma, now you can finally rest without being in pain. We love you and will miss you so much.

Munchie Mattox
01/29/2008 - 07/16/2015 - 7 years old - My Baby Puppy

What do I do without you? Goodbye my baby puppy, I love you.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 & 70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.

They, too, will get old. I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be.

And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).

Icons not made by me are always credited in the keywords, along with any photos I use that are not mine. If you don't see a credit listed, I made them.


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